For most of my life people have sung my praises. America’s Sweetheart. The Girl Next Door. A Responsible Girl. Such a Wise Young Woman. I have heard so many comments about me as a person, or what people assume about me as a person.
“Oh my gosh, you have so much strength. “
“You are just so sweet”
“Your life is perfect. God is really blessing you. “
The last comment is something that I have been hearing more and more in the last couple of years. While I usually smile, nervously laugh and say “no way”, I truly hate to hear this. I mean I absolutely hate when someone uses my name and perfect in the same sentence. “Perfect” is not a title that I ever wanted nor bargained for. When people put these limits on you, it puts you in a box and it puts you in a spot light that you never asked to be in. Nothing and no one on this Earth is perfect so this word really doesn’t need to be used when referring to anyone but Jesus.
People look at my life and think “Wow. She got married, has a loving husband, got a house, had a baby, she’s pregnant again. She always has nice clothes and shoes. Her and husband have their own cars, she has a job where everyone loves her. She always seems so happy! Wow! She is blessed. ” While all of these things are true, people miss out on two VERY important details. One detail is that people don’t know what in the world I had to go through prior to me receiving all these blessings. The other detail is that all that glitters isn’t gold. Everything I wear is on clearance or from the thrift store. Everyone loves me at my job but I’m not fulfilled. I’m truly learning how to manage the home with a 9 month old baby while being pregnant… with Twins. Most days I’m exhausted from being up with my baby and pregnancy insomnia because I keep waking up to use the bathroom.
The one thing I can truly say that actually glitters and is gold is my husband. He is truly a blessing from God himself but he didn’t come by chance. I sowed many seeds and many tears for 7 years but God told me I wouldn’t have to cry those tears again and I am truly reaping that harvest. People just see a good thing but they don’t see the hell that I went through to get that blessing.
People see a joyous person and they see “perfection”. No, I’m joyous in spite of. I’m joyous no matter what. I have days when I want to ask God why? But then again Why Not? I learned to change my mindset long ago. Just looking at my bank account with $80 could depress me but I still rejoice, smile and use $10 to be a blessing to someone else. I don’t let my circumstances or situations weigh me down. I give myself a moment to feel what I want to feel and then I tell my feeling how to feel. I don’t let them dictate my day, night, week or month. So perfect… ummmm…no…not close! But I am focused on trying to be the absolute best person that I can be.
Since my husband and I try to live optimistic lives and focus on looking at the glass as half full instead of half empty, people tend to forget us in prayer. People always think “Oh, their good. They don’t need much. They can handle it. They got it” but truthfully they have no clue what demons we fight. They don’t know how low we feel sometimes. I struggle with a lot of insecurities still as a 29 years old working mother and wife but I thank God for a few core people that constantly check on me.
For the most part, most people love to tell me what’s going on in their lives but by the end of the conversation they feel relieved and hang up the phone without really digging in to see what is going on with me.
Chile, I miss the mark ALL THE TIME but thank God for his Grace! Thank God for a conscious that brings remembrance of my wrong doings so that I can repent and ask God to help me.
In the movie Why Did I Get Married by Tyler Perry, there is a character who seems to have it all together. She is a professor at a university, she is a best selling author, she has a loving husband, beautiful home and fancy cars. Her other three friends come to her and ask for advice and help all the time. Throughout the move you rarely see the other characters ask her if she is o.k. They assume that she has it all together since she is always readily available with advice. I know the movie wants to put her in the light of “perfect” but honestly she never self proclaims that. She is just always positive and trying to help her friends. They never really check up on her anyways, even if she was going through.
There is a moment in the movie where she has a break down with her husband and she yells “PERFECT PATTY MESSED UP!”and boy, oh, boy do I cry when I hear that. In the sequel to the movie called Why Did I Get Married Too?, we see “Perfect Patty” really break down and act out while her and her husband are going through a divorce.
While I can’t relate to many of the things that this character goes through, I can relate to her breakdown. Thank God I have a big tall husband with big arms that I can fall into when I get overwhelmed. I thank you Jesus for always wrapping me in His loving arms and letting me undress all my fears, my insecurities, my pains and my issues.
People, I encourage you to check up on your friend that you “think” is o.k. I encourage you to love on all your friends whether they seem to have it all together or not. Even though life for me is going good and my husband and I have made a choice to enjoy every single day, we still need prayer. I personally need prayer while carrying these twins because I feel like I am mentally attacked all the time but I continue to fight the enemy with a smile on my self.
Perfect Patty needs prayer.
Perfect Patty messes up.
Perfect Patty has a lot on her shoulders.
Perfect Patty is still trying to figure it out.
Perfect Patty IS NOT PERFECT!