The Bondage of “YES”

The word “Yes” is associated with a positive thing. We all love to hear the word “Yes” and we don’t realize how many times we use the word.

“Yes, I will marry you.”
“Yes, you are hired!!”
“Yes, you can borrow this.”
“Yes, I will go with you.”

“Yes, Yes, YES!”

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The word “Yes” is a positive word but it can truly be negative if you continuously say “Yes” to others when that means you have to say “No” to yourself. We often times say “Yes” before we even realize it. We don’t take time to pray on it or even think on it. We sometimes get in the habit of saying “Yes” to make others happy but we forget about ourselves and most importantly we forget God.

Honestly, for the last decade I have struggled with this. I love being there for everyone. I love helping everyone. I love just making people happy.  “Tara, can you give me a ride?”…YES! “Tara can you come to my birthday party?”….. Yes. “Hey Tara, can I borrow some money?”… Yes. You get the drift yet?

God has been trying to teach me to obey His voice and no one else’s voice for a long time. A lot of times people will guilt Christian’s into doing things. “Isn’t that what Jesus would do?” “Doesn’t God tell us to give?” Truthfully, I fell for this kind of stuff because of my ignorance of the word. I never considered actually praying or consulting with God before I made a decision. I didn’t even consult with myself, I would just say “YES”. By continuously saying yes to everyone I began to start resenting people, getting annoyed and just tired.  I began to get used by people who were close to me because they knew that I would say yes all the time. When I was in college, my first lady at my church told me “Tara, if you say “No” trust me, they will find another way. They keep coming to you because they know you will say “Yes”!” Here I was a college student taking people home every day, giving people gas money, helping my friends pay a light bill and treating people to lunch and dinner like it was nothing. When I look back at it, I see why people thought I was some little rich girl in college when truthfully I was struggling.  Honestly, I don’t know how I made it. Lol.  If I could slap the 20 year old Tara, I would but honestly God kept me through these times and He used this to teach me. It seemed like people would ask me and I would drop everything but as soon as I asked or needed something, you could hear crickets chirp. No one would be there. This was an eye opener for me.

As I began growing up, I got into my word more and I became wiser. I understood that saying “Yes ” doesn’t always help people. You can miss God and make them miss God. He may have wanted them to go through this hard time to make them stronger but if I swoop in to bail them out with some money then they don’t learn and they begin to put Tara in place of God.

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I began to learn that saying “yes” was hurting me. I was put in miserable situations just to make others happy. If I was invited somewhere I felt compelled to go to their event. Even of I was tired or had something else to do, I would try to make it to 4 different events in 1 day. I had to wake up! Saying “No” isn’t being mean, it’s being honest.  Saying “No” means that you consider yourself first and you don’t neglect the way you feel.

Once I learned to say “No”, I still had more learning to do. I had to learn not to feel bad for saying “No” and to not make up lies as to why I couldn’t do something. I was basically becoming a liar.

“Tara, can I borrow some money for gas? ” … Ummmm, No I don’t have it right now because I have a couple of bills due. (TARA, JUST SAY “NO, SORRY!” AND THAT’S IT.)

“Tara, are you going to make it with up tonight to go out for Karen’s birthday.”… “Ummmmm, No I have a stomach ache right now and I will no longer be able to come. ”  (TARA GIRL, YOU ARE CURLED UP IN YOUR COVERS WATCHING A MOVIE AND EATING ICE CREAM. YOU NEED TO STOP IT.)

After I spent time doing this over and over again. God had to teach me again. He had to explain to be how wrong it is to lie to people and that I needed to just stand firm in my decision without tip-toeing around the situation. This was hard but over time I learned to do better.

Now a days, I still struggle with using the word “No” sometimes but I am DEFINITELY not where I used to be. I spent most of my 20’s living for everyone else and giving to everyone else but neglecting Tara. I’m walking into my 30’s with 3 baby boys under 2 and I plan on focusing on my God,  my family and myself. If I can help, then YES I can but if I can’t then “NO” simple.

Today make a decision that you will learn to say “Yes” or “No” at the appropriate times.  Consult God. Be honest with your feelings and tell people the truth. Don’t stay in bondage by using the word “Yes” freely. You don’t have to say “Yes” to everything and neglect yourself. BE FREE YA’LL!

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