On March 10th, 2019 my life changed forever. I was not only a mother of a 1 year old (14 months) but I was now a mother of a 1 year old and 2 twins boys. Wow! Life as I knew it was just about to switch gears. I was nervous and excited at the same time. I now had 6 eyes, 6 hands, 6 feet and 3 little people to take care of.
As the first month flew by I was so thankful that my husband was on paternity leave for the first 3 weeks and then my mom and my sister came in town to help me out. After the twins turned a month, I was pretty much at home with all three babies by myself 24/7. I didn’t know how I was going to do this. I was out numbered! I kept telling myself that God would help me and that I MUST have faith in Him but quite honestly my faith was wavering. Some days I would be excited and ready to conquer the day with God on my side. Other days I would just sit and complain about how bored I was and how tired of sitting around I was.
One day I was breast feeding BOTH twins (yes…both at the same time) and I saw four eyes gazing up at me. They were just looking so deeply into my eyes with such an innocence. I looked at the boys and I just began to cry. My babies have faith in me. They know without any doubt that I will supply all their needs. They may not understand the dynamics of a relationship with God but next to Him, their parents are the closest to that. Even when they cry, they know that Mommy is going to come and feed them. They know that Mommy is going to change them and cuddle with them until they fall asleep. They know Mommy is there for them.
Most of the day I try to find balance between taking care of the twins and entertaining Elijah but when Elijah begins showing signs that he is sleepy, I make sure I give him my undivided attention and I gather him in my arms, get him in a quiet environment and make sure he gets to sleep. Before he dozes off, his big eyes look back into mine and the sense of trust and thankfulness he displays warms my heart. No matter how many times I’ve told him “No! Stop touching that” all day, he still has faith that I am going to take care of him like no other. He has faith that my “No!” doesn’t mean that I don’t love him. He still believes that even when I have to give his brothers attention, I will never forget him.
This entire thing preached to me! Tara! Look at your babies teaching you about faith! Wow! I began to just think about my current faith level and how I’m struggling ya’ll. I’m struggling! I don’t have that child like faith that knows without any doubts, that my Daddy will take care of me. Our family was going through many tests and my faith was wavering. I didn’t know how we were going to make it even after my husband continuously assured me that God would see us through. It wasn’t until I witnessed my babies faith in me that I realized that this kind of faith is necessary to get through life. I had to KNOW and really BELIEVE that without any doubts that my God shall supply ALL my needs. Even when God has to discipline me from time to time. Even when he has to give me a firm “NO” ( like I have to give Elijah). Even when I start crying because I’m in need (like when the twins are hungry and need food). Even when all these things happen, I MUST have faith that my Lord and Savior will take care of me.
It’s so important to know and understand that we can learn something new every day from our children or even children in general. We should aim to learn something new everyday and a self analysis will help. I could have walked around fooling others and myself with the “I have the strongest faith” speech. I could have pretended like my faith was so strong but I knew that I needed more and my three baby boys taught me about faith.
My charge to all of you is to have that UNWAVERING faith in God. Trust and really believe that He will supply ALL your needs. Even when we get those occasional “No’s” and “Pow Pow’s”, know that God loves you without a doubt and that he will ALWAYS take care of you.
Thank you to my 3 little angels Elijah, Ethan and Ean. Mommy loves you.